


That glittery asshole

by StarishSparkles



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Crack, Light-Hearted, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:20:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarishSparkles/pseuds/StarishSparkles
Summary: “Ah shit, shit, shit. Did you take my brother?” she crossed her arms and glared at him, and he smiled again, looking pleased that she was keeping up. Something in her head whispered that he might be a serial killer, but she dismissed it on the grounds that no serial killer could be this glittery and ethereal, orturn into an owl.-Sarah was too young in the film to properly curse him out - let's change thatA rewrite of canon up to Magic Dance, Sarah is 18/19 and more mature (less spoiled, gets along better with her family ect) and Toby is a few years older as well, but the story plays out more or less the same, the main difference being Sarah swearing all over the place and insulting Jareth in her head[no romance]
Kudos: 9





	That glittery asshole

  
**“Give me the child. Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…”**

  
Sarah paused, trying to stay in character, before letting her pose relax and pulling the book out of her pocket, mumbling to herself – **“My kingdom is as great**... where is it?” – as she flipped through the pages.

She was so focused on the book that she didn’t notice the dark clouds beginning to form until her dog and faithful audience to her performances Merlin began to bark, and she looked up to realise the weather had certainly turned all of a sudden and that they were both going to be thoroughly soaked, her worsening mood not helped by the clock tower bell beginning to chime. “We’re late Merlin, time to go!” 

And so she hitched up her skirts and started running, the dog keeping up easily as they made their way back home. Sarah sent Merlin to the garage grudgingly with a pat on his head before rushing inside, apologising quickly and trying not to drip all over the carpet. Her stepmother watched her wring out her hair on her skirt and sighed, more amused than upset as she’d grown used to Sarah’s abysmal timekeeping and fanciful pastimes. “Your father and I are going out in a minute, we’ve made dinner for the two of you and hopefully he’ll be asleep soon enough – you made it back just in time.” Sarah smiled half-heartedly through her thanks and headed upstairs, making sure not to tread water on the floor as much as possible and headed into her room to change.

A few minutes later her father passed by her door and called out a goodbye, and she responded distractedly as she heard the front door click shut and continued to flip through her only slightly damp book, sitting on her bed in her favourite outfit – a cotton shirt and cream waistcoat she’d received for her birthday a few years before – along with her jeans and trainers. “Ah, **you have no power over me** , of course.” She sat the book on her desk next to her Goblin King figurine (an impulsive purchase, but one she treasured) and headed out to find Toby, her mood improving by the minute as she hummed a little tune.

She found him in his room, having a makeshift tea party with a few of his toys and right there, to the left of Optimus Prime, was that Lancelot? Sarah cursed under her breath and rushed forward to save her oldest bear from possible dismemberment as Toby reached forward towards it, and she swooped it up to safety just before he grabbed it.

A crack of thunder echoed through the house and Toby screamed, Sarah immediately dropping to her knees to comfort him. She kept Lancelot a safe distance away as she encouraged him to breathe deeply – he’d grown out of crying all through stormy nights thankfully, and Sarah knew he’d be alright if she could distract him – and thought quickly. “It’s alright Toby, just some thunder. You know, like Thor powers!” he looked up, still wary, and glanced out of the window as he straightened up. She continued, using her limited knowledge of Norse gods and the MCU to placate him through the storm. 

He began to calm down and agreed to crawl into bed, and she sighed deeply in relief as he settled down. It was only when she’d checked on the latches on his windows to make sure they weren’t going to rattle through the night and wake him that she noticed the marks on Lancelot’s face. _Was that sharpie?_

She rushed over, trying to wipe it off but to no avail, and she bit her lip as tears welled up unexpectedly in her eyes. Lancelot was the last gift her mother had given her before she died, and now he was ruined! She remained quiet as to not wake him and possibly lash out, but felt a sudden and bitter resentment towards her brother building as she kicked his Grogu teddy out of the way and headed out of his room to uselessly try and wash his face clean. She paused with her shaky hand on the light switch, angry tears threatening to choke her as she muttered to herself, “Sometimes I wish the goblins would take you away.” A pause as she tightened her grip on her bear, and flicked the lights off. “Right now.” She turned on her heel and closed the door.

She stood for a moment to gather herself, breathing heavily, beginning to step away when she heard a large clunk from his room. She contemplated leaving, but as upset as she was she still cared for her brother, and pulled the door open to check on him. The room seemed deathly quiet, and Sarah felt uneasy in a way she couldn’t quite describe as she squinted at the shapes strewn across the floor, and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She tried the light switch but nothing happened, so she used the light from the corridor to navigate to his bed, only to find it empty. Her previous words weighed heavy on her chest but she waved it away – the Goblin King wasn’t coming for her brother, he probably rolled off the bed, there was surely nothing to worry about.

She heard a scramble from the other side of the room, and froze. She slowly laid Lancelot on the bed and headed to where she’d heard the noise, inexplicably unwilling to even whisper. She realised with a cold shiver the only breathing in the room she could hear was her own.

Something slammed against the window and she jumped, spinning around only to realise an owl was scratching and butting against the glass, and she let out a sigh. She was getting spooked, Toby was probably asleep on the floor somewhere, she should just head out and go to bed-

The window unlatched, and lots of things happened at once.

The curtains blew out as if a massive gust of wind had caught them, the owl scrambled inside, and a blinding light lit up the window causing her to shield her eyes and turn away for a moment, cursing. A plume of – was that glitter? – erupted and slowly fell to the ground in front of the tall figure that had appeared where the owl had previously been just a moment before, and she paused from wafting away the sparkles hanging in the air to stare incredulously.

He cast a startling silhouette in his high-collared cape and skin-tight leggings, and Sarah took a moment to step back and try to process, mind spinning as her words began to fall. “That’s impossible, but- you’re the Goblin King, aren’t you?” A amused smile was her answer, and she backed away a step more and straightened up. “Holy fucking shit. Okay, give me one second.”

She noted with slightly hysterical amusement that she appeared to have thrown him off, and he stood in silence for a moment as she considered. She hadn’t expected calling the goblins to work! “Ah shit, shit, shit. Did you take my brother?” she crossed her arms and glared at him, and he smiled again, looking pleased that she was keeping up. Something in her head whispered that he might be a serial killer, but she dismissed it on the grounds that no serial killer could be this glittery and ethereal, or _turn into an owl_. 

“I have done as you asked, Sarah, what’s done is done.” His cape blew around him as he spoke with a wind that she could barely feel and she wondered to herself if he was doing it for the sheer drama of it. She steeled herself, and committed herself to this frankly absurd conversation to pick apart later.

“I didn’t mean it- well, I did, but I didn’t expect anything to come of it. I can’t believe you’re real.” He raised an eyebrow and smirked, and she felt a flicker of irritation. Self assured bastard. “Look, I need him back.”

“You know where he is, and you know how to find him.” He stepped aside to show her the window and her eyes widened as she took in the winding stone labyrinth that wrapped around the Goblin City she’d read about so many times before. 

“Ah ah ah, not so fast,” he tutted, and she watched him warily as he produced a glass ball from thin air. “Your brother is in my castle right now. If you choose to, you can venture into my labyrinth to try and retrieve him, although I warn you the journey is one no one has ever succeeded.” He paused, and Sarah almost wanted to shake him so he’d hurry up with his damn speech! “However, I have a gift for you. This crystal can show you your dreams. Take it, and you can forget about your brother.” He looked at her as of the offer was alluring and he was expecting inner turmoil and hesitation at the very least, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

“I’m good, actually. My dreams are all nonsense from what I can remember of them, certainly nothing worth preserving. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a castle to find my way into.” 

She stepped forward as if to pass him, and in a flash the crystal was a black and red snake and she had barely a moment to gape before he threw it around her neck and she panicked, trying to tear it away only to find that her fingers grasped brightly coloured fabric, and she cast it to the floor and watched as it shook itself into a small furry creature that scampered away with a chittering laugh. 

Looking back up at the Goblin King, she motioned to all of it in a ‘what the fuck’ gesture. “Circus tricks? I would’ve thought you’d be above that, your Majesty.” She let her fear and anger leech into her condemning tone and, refusing to give this glittery asshole a drop of satisfaction of seeing how much he’d unsettled her, she stepped past him onto the sandy rock through the window, and didn’t turn as he followed her through. He stood to one side of her and laid out the rules that she was apparently now bound by if she wanted to see Toby again – she had 13 hours to get through the labyrinth and to the castle in the centre of the goblin city. Great. He disappeared with a faint sparkly outline that she waved away bitterly, and she sighed. 

God fucking dammit.

She pinched her arm – ow – and sighed, starting to walk down the stony slope to where she could see the outer wall of the labyrinth. It’s not like she had anything better to do, stuck in a place she definitely shouldn’t be with a quest that she had, until tonight, believed to be fiction. That’ll teach her to assume.

She’d met Hoggle, the gardening dwarf, as she approached the wall, and discovered that fairies weren’t all cute and nice as she’d thought they would be. He seemed uncooperative and rude, but not malicious, when she’d asked about a way into the labyrinth so she sighed quietly and tried to find a different way to get a clear answer – thankfully he accepted her second attempt and pointed out a set of large wooden doors she thought it impossible she hadn’t seen before, but she thanked him anyway and headed inside as they creaked open. 

The labyrinth... didn’t seem to resemble any she’d seen before. For one, it didn’t have any twists or turns at all, and she lamented that she hadn’t brought a hair tie as she dodged dry branches and stepped over broken logs that she could’ve sworn slightly glittered in the sun, following the straight, high walls. “What’s the point of a labyrinth if it’s all straight?” She paused. “Or maybe... Its not? This is the goblin kingdom after all.” 

She let out a deep breath as she started to run, faster and faster, waiting for something to magically change, but even though she ran until her lungs were burning nothing changed. She slowed and sat down heavily against a wall, trying to even out her breathing as she considered her options – which were, as of the moment, approximately nothing. 

“’allo!” 

She raised her head and looked around for the voice, noticing a strange blue creature on one of the grooves on the wall. It looked like a worm drawn by a three year old with neon crayons. “Did you say hello?” She couldn’t help the incredulous note in her voice, but the little creature paid it no mind. 

“Nope, I said ‘allo, but that’s close enough.” It – he? – seemed chipper enough, and she turned to face the wall as she replied. 

“You’re a worm, aren’t you?” He seemed pleased, and nodded. She asked him about the labyrinth and if he knew how to get to the castle, but unfortunately he didn’t – nah, I’m just a worm – and she sighed. “This labyrinth just goes on and on, with no twists or turns or exits or anything, it just seems impossible to get anywhere!” 

“What do you mean? There’s openings everywhere, you just ain’t looking right! See, there’s one just over there.” Sarah looked over to the opposite wall, still as much solid stone as it had been a moment before. She stood up, walking up to the wall and eyeing it up and down before slowly lifting her arms and stepping forward, her eyes widening as she realised there was actually a path that, through some illusion, she couldn’t see before stepping towards it. She thanked the worm and began to head down one way, changing her mind and heading down the other at the worm’s warning. 

-

Jareth was very pleased with himself. Lying casually with one leg slung over his throne, he batted his crop against his thigh lazily and listened to the chatter of the goblins in his court as the child sat in the middle, looking innocent and a tad upset at his new surroundings. Jareth smiled, it was his home now – there was no way the girl was going to complete his labyrinth, he’d improved it especially for her after all. Better get him acquainted with their customs then, hadn’t he?

Jumping up, he grabbed a nearby goblin and started teasing him, knowing the others would join in with the easy rapport and started to sing - a favoured pastime of his - humouring the idea that the boy would be turned into a goblin or something similarly as unsightly for the duration, dancing around his throne room and encouraging the young boy to join in. He knew he had no intention of doing anything to actually harm him, the boy would be protected as all fae taken children are, but it made for better music and he was in dire need of letting his hair down, so to speak.

Nobody called on the Goblin King these days, and the girl had already proven to bring with her quite the stir. 


End file.
